


Mare Frigoris

by Wirrrn



Category: Twilight (Movies)
Genre: Humour, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-12
Updated: 2012-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-29 09:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/318616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wirrrn/pseuds/Wirrrn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jacob and Edward are going to be a couple- whether they like it or not :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mare Frigoris

 

 

**MARE FRIGORIS**

**By Wirrrn**

Jacob groans at the same time as Edward grunts. Both men sit up in the bed at the same time, rubbing their heads.

 

The young werewolf recovers slightly faster than the vampire, and peers across the

(alarmingly pink)

bedclothes at his companion. “Cullen?”

A curt nod.

(then a wince)

“...Black”

“What the hell happened to us?”

“...I have no idea. I can’t even... what’s the last thing you remember?”

“Getting whacked upside the head by what felt like the International Space Station.”

Edward looks startled. “...Fuck! Emmett!”

 

Jacob’s mind attempts to process the perennially polite vampire using base profanity. His mind is not up to the task and sends him some easy listening music instead 

 

(“Devil in a blue dress blue dress blue dress Devil with a blue dress on”)

 

He shakes the earworm free. “I can assure you I did not in any way fuck Emmett.”

 

-Although, Jacob suddenly realizes, he does appear to be naked. As does Edward. He surreptitiously sniffs at the air to see if there’s any hint that they may have... done anything...together. He tells himself he is not hoping that they did.

 

Golden eyes roll. “...No, I mean he must have put the kibosh on...wait, I was talking to Seth on the La Push cliffs, and then I heard him coming up behind me and... nothing”.

 

Edward slams a fist down onto the bedspread to visually punctuate his point, and is surprised when his hand touches paper. He looks down. “It’s a note”

He picks it up and begins reading it to himself. As he does so, his expression somehow manages to jumble together outrage, affection, exasperation and a little bit of lust into the muscles of his face, all at once.

Jacob finally tires. “This isn’t a library, Cullen. Care to share your note with the rest of the class?”

 

“... Oh, right. Um... Sorry.” Edward actually looks sheepish, before clearing his throat and reading aloud.

 

_“Dear E & J,_

_If you are reading this then we managed to knock you both out without giving you cerebral haemorrhages. Yaay us!  Sorry to do this the caveman way, but you wouldn’t listen to reason, your hormones, or even Marcus when he mentioned you’d be cute together. We’re sick and tired of you two USTing up the place and decided to do something about it. Jacob, you’re always complaining about being stuck in Forks and the Rez and seeing the same people and places; Edward, you’ve been glued to the piano so often lately you’re attracting Ivory poachers. And both of you have been complaining about Little Miss Pouts-and-Trips. So we put you here together in this old log cabin in Alert (Seth just told me to call it Nunavut) and we’re not letting you out until you make nice._

_Also the beast with two backs._

_  
Edward, there’s caribou blood in the freezer. Jake, there’s caribou steaks in the freezer. We have your clothes. We used them to dress the snowmen we just made. They look sweet. Don’t even think of trying to make a break for it, or we;ll have to go WWF on you again (Not the one with the pandas).  Get macking on each other already. You know you want to!_

_Love,_

_Emmett and Seth_  
_  
P.S- Bella asked us where you were, so we told her you’d gone to Canada for a romantic, sexytimes weekend together. I didn’t know humans could turn that colour, or that their eyes could bug out so far. it was awesome. We’ll show you the YouTube video when you get back.”_

 

Edward folded the letter and put it down, then looked over at the native werewolf. “So... what do you think?”

 

“I think they both raise some salient points.”

“Me too”.

“Keen. So; top or bottom?!”

 


End file.
